Tips that can make holiday discussions about estate planning less uncomfortable.
It is no secret that people tend to get uncomfortable when the topic of estate planning comes up. It can seem like an awkward conversation that leaves many people feeling unsettled, but it doesn’t have to be that way! The right approach can make everyone feel more comfortable and confident.
Remember your estate plan is completely confidential and you are under no obligation to discuss the terms with anyone. However, if you do want to disclose the terms of your estate plan with your loved ones, here are some tips on how to make these conversations easier:
Know your audience.
- Know your audience.
The first thing you need to know when preparing for a conversation about estate planning is who you’re talking to and what their interests are. Who are they? Your children, close friends, distant cousins, medical professionals, or others? Not everyone needs to know the same information regarding your plans. For instance, informing a well-meaning distant family member that you have a plan and not to worry, is likely sufficient. While letting your closest family members know that you have selected your son as your personal representative and your daughter to make medical decisions on your behalf will be more relevant to the people taking on those roles.
- Know what they’re comfortable with.
Some people are fine with discussing money matters but aren’t open to conversations about death (or vice versa). Others can handle it either way; still others prefer not even thinking about it at all! It’s important to be mindful of other’s comfort levels when having these difficult conversations. Consider letting your loved ones know that you will be having this conversation and setting a date and time for an informal meeting. This will allow your loved ones time to think of questions and to be mentally prepared to have the conversation.
Consider bringing notes.
Spending some time preparing notes and thinking about how you would like to discuss your plans will not only help you organize your thoughts but will ensure that you cover each of the topics that you would like to discuss. Preparing for the conversation in advance may also help calm any nervousness or anxiety that you may feel.
Outlining your desires, the important roles people will play, and how to find your important documents will help your loved ones know what you are asking of them and will also help you in discussing your desires confidently.
Consider talking to people individually instead of as a group.
It can be difficult to have this conversation, especially when you’re dealing with a group of people who may not get along or may have differing expectations as to their role in your estate plan. If you have siblings who don’t get along, or children who can’t agree on almost anything, this might not be the time to bring them all into one room and expect them to have a rational conversation.
It may be best to talk to one person individually first and get their thoughts on the matter before bringing it up to everyone else. For instance, if you would like you sister to make medical decisions for you if you are incapacitated, it would be best to discuss whether she wants to take on this role with her individually before announcing your decision to a group.
Be upfront, direct, and transparent.
Be willing to answer questions and do so in a straight forward and open way. If you want to have a meaningful conversation regarding your desires, then you will want to be open to questions. Communicating your desires to your loved ones, ensures that your wishes are heard and your desires followed.
Be transparent with your desires. It’s important that your medical representatives know exactly what you would like for your end of life care. You also want to make sure, that your medical representative is also willing to make difficult end of life decisions. To learn more about selecting representatives, you can read our blog HERE.
Having difficult conversations now can minimize family conflict later.
Clearly communicating your decisions in advance can minimize conflict between your family members. Sometimes, families already know which things will turn into larger issues on death. For instance, maybe you have a piece of jewellery that people have already expressed a desire for. You might own a business and only one child is equipped to take on the management of the business if you become incapacitated. Maybe your children have never gotten along and will be likely to fight over everything. Communicating your decisions in advance may help alleviate future stress for your loved ones.
Reminder
This conversation is likely difficult for your loved ones as well as you. Many individuals do not want to think about what will happen after a favorite loved one has passed.
We hope that this article has given you some new ideas about how to start the conversation with your family about estate planning. At Kehoe Moneyhun Law, our goal is to help people take control of their future—and what better time than during the holiday.
